Audacious Compassion 018 – A Perfectly Good Strategy

How do you understand and handle your own rash emotional reactions in everyday situations?

Our prompt comes from Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange user Yvette Colomb (original and abridged version ccbysa3.0):

I’ve always had a short fuse. I’ve been quick to rise and lose my temper, but on the flip side I’m quick to get over it when others lose their cool. The problem is that others usually are not, especially if they are on the receiving end of it.

Having a short temper and saying things in anger is the number one cause of the relationship difficulties in my life, and it’s caused more problems and heart ache than I could possibly set out to achieve if I was consciously trying to do so.

Most importantly, it can happen with family or close friends, when somehow a discussion leads to someone making an insult towards me (which I don’t tolerate well) and from there it can escalate. There are definitely certain topics that will frequently lead to these types of escalations, as well as when I don’t want to discuss something and the person persists. It can also happen when the other person argues with me – about who I am or my motive for saying or doing something – and their opinion is negative.

I have great difficulty expressing my irritation without it escalating between the other person and myself to a point I do not manage well emotionally.

What can I do to help circumvent or prevent my anger building to a point I lose my temper and say things I regret? What skills can I use to exit the discussion gracefully to find space to calm?

We also talk about Sunless Sea and “The Discipline of DE” by Gus Van Sant and William S. Burroughs.

Please share any comments you have! If you have a submission of an everyday situation where it’s hard for you to be empathetic or compassionate, write us at: us@avery-weir.net

Audacious Compassion 017 – Holiday Cheer

How do you manage your own and others’ grudges and longstanding grievances?

Our prompt comes from Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange user Tinkeringbell (original and abridged version ccbysa3.0):

About 8 years ago, we had some serious get-a-lawyer trouble with a couple of neighbors. I was in university at the time, and I have a general knowledge of what happened, but my parents never spoke about their interactions with the neighbors.

Since then, I’ve had some interactions with one of our neighbors, and she seems genuinely apologetic about the whole thing. I’m not the easiest person to win over, but I really think she’s sorry for what happened and wants to apologize. I’ve seen her make several attempts to try and speak to my mom, but my mom always avoids her or gets ‘rescued’ by dad.

Yesterday, we received a Christmas card from her. My mom was so mad she didn’t even read it. I did, and it was a really nice card. It stated something along the lines of ‘I really like to apologise and I want to start anew, just like the new year does’.

Then, there was a invitation for the entire neighborhood to come and have the traditional New-Years eve drinks in her home.

Needless to say, when I told my mom what was actually in the card, she got really, really mad, to the point of shouting at me that I was being naive and manipulated.

I’m guessing our neighbor did something that’s even worse than the things I know about, but when I asked mom about it yesterday she wouldn’t tell me. I’d really like to know why she called me out for being naive and manipulated, and understand her anger.

How can I have a talk about the reasons for her anger with my mom, when only mentioning the subject pisses her off this much? I’d really like to find out what it is that happened that is so inexcusable she doesn’t want to talk about it or find it in her heart to forgive, even after years.

We also talk about Dishonored 2 and Reddit.

Please share any comments and marketing ideas you have! If you have a submission of an everyday situation where it’s hard for you to be empathetic or compassionate, write us at: us@avery-weir.net

Audacious Compassion 008 – Peeved Partner in the Piedmont

We supply our own problem: how to be compassionate toward people who change or learn slower than you think they should? Is it anyone’s problem but your own? What should we do with the problems we’re having with our own family?

Continue reading “Audacious Compassion 008 – Peeved Partner in the Piedmont”