Audacious Compassion 009 – That Dudebro Shoulder-Bumping Thing

How do you avoid repeated arguments with a person even when there’s nothing to argue about? Sometimes you realize far too late that you actually agree and that you’re just miscommunicating.

Our prompt comes from Thom Root (@invisime) on Twitter:

Thom: A coworker and I can’t stop violently agreeing with each other.
AC: Is this an “argue for an hour, then aggressively realize you don’t disagree” situation?
Thom: Pretty much. Often over coding minutiae. There may be a lack of mutual respect or too much ego or something like that.

We also talk about Diane Duane‘s Young Wizards series and Get Out, written and directed by Jordan Peele.

Please share any comments you have! If you have a submission of an everyday situation where it’s hard for you to be empathetic or compassionate, write us at: us@avery-weir.net

Our theme music is “Invisible Light” by Josh Woodward, available under a ccby4.0 license.

Audacious Compassion 008 – Peeved Partner in the Piedmont

We supply our own problem: how to be compassionate toward people who change or learn slower than you think they should? Is it anyone’s problem but your own? What should we do with the problems we’re having with our own family?

If you have a question about how to show compassion in difficult, everyday situations, please write to us@avery-weir.net. You can also follow or contact us on Twitter!

Dear Audacious Compassion,

My partner and I were visiting family recently and ran into a very awkward and painful situation. My partner is transgender and, while our family members are generally socially liberal and accepting of people in society, they consistently used the wrong modes of address for my partner… even literally seconds after a conversation about the right way to do it.

Signed,
Peeved Partner in the Piedmont

Peeved Partner is, in reality, our own Melissa Avery-Weir. We also talk about My Brother, My Brother, and Me and Night in the Woods.

Please share any comments you have! If you have a submission of an everyday situation where it’s hard for you to be empathetic or compassionate, write us at: us@avery-weir.net

Our theme music is “Invisible Light” by Josh Woodward, available under a ccby4.0 license.

Audacious Compassion 007 – I’m Sorry This Is Happening

How does compassion look when you’re powerless to fix a situation? How do you avoid just repeating, “That’s rough. I’m sorry this is happening”?

If you have a question about how to show compassion in difficult, everyday situations, please write to us@avery-weir.net. You can also follow or contact us on Twitter!

This episode is driven by a letter we received from a friend of the show:

I’ve been thinking a lot about how to handle situations where someone is in trouble, in a bad situation, et cetera, but there is literally nothing I can do about it. There are only so many ways to say “that’s really rough; I’m sorry this is happening to you”.  For example: a student fails a class, delaying their graduation; a coworker’s marriage is ending; or someone is in financial trouble beyond what I can assist.

We also talk about I Am a Strange Loop and Born a Crime, and the Non-Violent Communication feelings list (pdf).

Please share any comments you have! If you have a submission of an everyday situation where it’s hard for you to be empathetic or compassionate, write us at: us@avery-weir.net

Our theme music is “Invisible Light” by Josh Woodward, available under a ccby4.0 license.

Audacious Compassion 006 – Working With the Fonz

What does compassion look like in a frustrating team setting? What does “compassion” even mean and how do you want to practice it? How do you deal with frustration and people who bother you?

If you have a question about how to show compassion in difficult, everyday situations, please write to us@avery-weir.net. You can also follow or contact us on Twitter!

We received the following question from @Slingertale:

How do you stay compassionate when you’re frustrated with work and also a coworker, who you might not even like that much?

We also talk about Yuri on Ice and Queer: A Graphic History.

Please share any comments you have! If you have a submission of an everyday situation where it’s hard for you to be empathetic, write us at: us@avery-weir.net

Our theme music is “Invisible Light” by Josh Woodward, available under a ccby4.0 license.

Audacious Compassion 005 – A Pretty Talented Panda Bear

How can you help people when their problems seem like part of an enormous, intractable system? It’s been a tough month for a lot of people and sometimes problems seem beyond us. However, we can each make a difference as long as we learn how to genuinely help and make sure to look after ourselves.

If you have a question about how to show compassion in difficult, everyday situations, please write to us@avery-weir.net.

We received the following request for help:

I have a very close friend who earlier this year came out to their spouse and myself as being genderqueer. Other than their spouse and me, no one knows my friend is transgender.

I had a conversation with them today, and I’m really worried about them. They told me that the week before the election they were giving serious thought about coming out, at least to their immediate family, and perhaps some co-workers.

But after Tuesday’s result, they said they are terrified of anyone finding out about their gender identity. They are afraid they could lose their job, be kicked out of their church, or even be physically harmed, just for being themselves. What struck me the most though, is that they said on top of everything, they also feel guilty for being able to easily hide their gender identity from others and appear to be a “normal white cisgender person”, when they know there are people in the LGBT community who aren’t in that “position of privilege” (their words).

I am at a loss as to what to say to my friend, or how to help; I just listen, and offer to be there for them if they need me, but I want to do more. What do I say to my friend? How can I help them? And how can I be a better ally to the LGBT community, especially now when allies are needed the most.

Thanks,
A Friend of the Show

We also talk about Austin Walker‘s work and Melissa’s lower-stress way of using Twitter.

Please share any comments you have! If you have a submission of an everyday situation where it’s hard for you to be empathetic, write us at: us@avery-weir.net

Our theme music is “Invisible Light” by Josh Woodward, available under a ccby4.0 license.

Audacious Compassion 004 – Bone Brigade

We talk about coercive discussion, where someone seems to be trying to provoke you into talking about a topic that will likely lead to an argument.

Our prompt today:

I’m at the water cooler and my coworker wants to talk about how wonderful Trump is. I’m a minority and voting for Hillary. How do I politely disagree with them?

We also talk about Slam Charlotte and The Unit of Caring.

Please share any comments you have! If you have a submission of an everyday situation where it’s hard for you to be empathetic, write us at: us@avery-weir.net

Our theme music is “Invisible Light” by Josh Woodward, available under a ccby4.0 license.

Audacious Compassion 003 – Baby FaceTime

In this episode, we talk about situations where it’s hard to discern someone’s request for change and to give it a direct yes or no answer.

Here’s an excerpt of the email we received:

He has complained about this a few times, so I finally (having learned about Non-Violent Communication!) asked him if he were making a request for me to change my behavior. He said no. But he added that he wasn’t happy about what I was doing.

We also talk about O Human Star by Blue Delliquanti and Overwatch by Blizzard Interactive.

Please share any comments you have! If you have a submission of an everyday situation where it’s hard for you to be empathetic, write us at: us@avery-weir.net

Our theme music is “Invisible Light” by Josh Woodward, available under a ccby4.0 license.

Audacious Compassion 002 – Don’t Mention Fish

How do you handle when people ask you for help and it’s not clear what they want? What about when you’ve tried to help them before and it hasn’t worked?

A friend of the show is troubled by “people (usually students) who ask for help, don’t change their behavior, ask for help, etc. Repeat ad infinitum. I get so frustrated! I’ve given all the advice and help I can, but I can’t just do it for them! I try not to let the frustration show, but damn.”

We also talk about Oklahoma! by Rodgers and Hammerstein and Welcome to Night Vale by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor.

Please share any comments you have! If you have a submission of an everyday situation where it’s hard for you to be empathetic, write us at: us@avery-weir.net

Our theme music is “Invisible Light” by Josh Woodward, available under a ccby4.0 license.

Audacious Compassion 001 – Go Buy a Caddy

This is the first episode of Audacious Compassion, a podcast where we talk about how to practice empathy in difficult, everyday situations.

In this episode we discuss minor domestic annoyances. We’ve got two different examples. One is a partner leaving cups places other than near the dishwasher in the kitchen. The other is, when you have a bathroom with two sinks, having a partner’s mess intrude on your sink space.

We also talk about 6180 the moon by Turtle Cream and The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms by N. K. Jemisin.

While we’re waiting to be approved in iTunes, you can subscribe using this RSS feed: http://avery-weir.net/feed/podcast

Edit: You can subscribe via iTunes here: Subscribe on iTunes

Please share any comments you have! If you have a submission of an everyday situation where it’s hard for you to be empathetic, write us at: us@avery-weir.net

Our theme music is “Invisible Light” by Josh Woodward, available under a ccby4.0 license.